The 3 R’s for Parenting Big Emotions

When your child is overwhelmed by big feelings, it’s easy to feel stuck—unsure whether to step in, step back, or shut it down. The truth is, these moments are less about fixing the behavior and more about creating safety through connection.

That’s where Bruce Perry's 3 R’s come in:

1. Regulate

Your child can’t regulate until you do. In moments of dysregulation, focus first on your own nervous system—deep breaths, soft voice, grounded presence. You’re not just responding to a behavior; you’re modeling calm.

2. Relate

After regulation comes connection. This is where you offer empathy: “That was really frustrating, huh?” or “It makes sense you’re feeling overwhelmed.” Validating their emotions helps your child feel seen and safe.

3. Reason

Only after regulation and connection can logic enter the picture. Once your child feels safe, then you can talk about what happened, what to do next time, and practice problem-solving together.

These 3 steps—Regulate, Relate, Reason—offer a compassionate, brain-based roadmap for navigating tough moments. You don’t need perfection—just presence, patience, and a little strategy.

Want a printable version? Download the free guide here!